So I took the last week off from SWTOR. It was fun, relaxing. Took some time to play other games. Tried to play a little Prototype, started a new character in Skyrim, played a lot of Sudoku to clear my head, played a lot of Super Monday Night Combat with some dudes from the /vg/ Steam group--that was a lot of fun in particular. I started reading A Song of Ice and Fire and following along, rewatching the first season of Game of Thrones. All the stresses from the last few weeks finally melted away a bit. Until today.
I thought, since I had spent the last week off that it was only fair that I try to get back into the swing of things before I make any final decisions regarding my subscription. The problem was, I had to really psych myself up to even log in, and even once I had I quickly began to get that deep, adrenaline-fueled pit in my gut telling me this was a terrible idea.
The funny thing is, even though I thoroughly enjoyed my time off I've been having this silly little recurring dream the last few nights where I log back in and everyone's like, "Hey, where you been?" and I'm like, "Oh you know, just needed a little time off to sort things out, no big deal." and we laugh about it, go right back to raiding, and everyone's friends again.
Didn't quite go like that. Actually, it was nearly the opposite; nobody acknowledged my presence either in game or on Mumble. All my characters had been demoted from Council rank to the standard Ops/Rated, which I could almost accept, but it was probably symbolic more than anything else; wasn't invited to raid, wasn't even asked to wait on standby. The paranoid, this-was-a-huge-mistake side of me suspects that my absence was spun in a negative light, the more logical side of me is just sure my membership in this guild simply just had that little of an impact.
I sent the GM a lengthy message last week detailing the crux of my issues. I never received a reply. Evidently it turns out he interpreted it to mean that I hated his guts (Update: Upon further reflection, this seems to indicate that, once again, my points were either misunderstood or just outright ignored.). I did not intend that message nor any of my previous blog posts to imply that, and for that I publicly apologize. Tonight's events, however, did seem to back up one of my conclusions in said message: that the guild now was not the same that I had joined before 1.2. The kicker, the hilarious irony, and the ultimate wound to my pride in this whole debacle is that in the week I've been gone they've completely cleared all of 16-man Hard Mode Denova.
That adrenaline-fueled pit has faded since I logged off to start typing this. I'm left just feeling depressed now. I plan to log in again for raid time tomorrow but it's purely to prove to myself that I have the willpower to do it even though I'm pretty sure it'll be another few hours wasted sitting on my ship with no reason to play the game. I genuinely want to not have to move on, but I don't hate myself enough to stick around when I'm not wanted.
It's like Birthright all over again. Actually, that gives me an idea.
No comments:
Post a Comment